It's a simple hierarchy

Please study the organizational chart below. I know it is complicated, but take the time to think back to your college classes, when many an hour were spent dissecting these charts. Could someone please comment and explain to me how the Production Manager from Office #2 is my boss and can decide what accounts are mine. Isn’t that like the Marketing Director of Microsoft calling me and telling me to stop using a pink highlighter because it makes the gay guy in the office uncomfortable with his public sexuality? ie completely arbitrary.

I will explain later. 

Protected lists

Last Thursday I was asked to put together another “protected” list. This should not surprise me, considering how successful these lists have been in the past. Another list was required because Rep #2 has continued to be assigned new categories (I am not sure why, it is not like she is struggling), she needs to know which accounts are mine in these categories. I thought this was simple; all the accounts in MY TERRITORY are mine. This did not fly.

I then started pointing out all of the flaws in this “list” approach. That did not fly either.

Obviously I was being ignored, because the conclusion the Manger came to was (wait for it) a bigger list… “It sounds like we need a database…” HOLY SH*T, I think she came to the right conclusion, I have been saying that for years! Granted, it is still a list, and it will still not be respected, but at least we will have data all in one place, where it is usable. I was so super stoked!

But then the Manger finished her thought. “…you should build an Excel spread sheet and put it on the server.”

I do not have the stamina to list them all here, but below are a few reasons why this is not a solution:
-No one respects a list (as shown by past performance).
-It can be manipulated by anyone who can get onto the server.
-It is not easily searchable.
-Updating will be time consuming.
-Why would you need another list when you have territories?
-Etc
-Etc
-Etc

The benefits achieved by a list in Excel have a much simpler solution, tell Rep #2 “Stay in your own territory, or you will be fired.” I responded with “I will if you ask, but I do not think it will help, it will only waste my time.”

Why do I never learn? When they ask for my opinion I should have none. That way I will have a 50/50 shot at getting what I want, instead of them learning what I want, and then deliberately doing the opposite.

New Rep

Because the economy is so kick ass right now, we decided to add a new Rep. I know, it is the logical thing to do; I am not sure why all other companies are not taking these same steps. Lets call this new Rep “Rep #2”.

I am sure I have mentioned before that management in my office tends to make the “obviously worst” decision, and lie to you about it along the way. They did it again. I asked about 7 times, “Are you planning to hire a New Rep?” They said “No” every time. Like I would not find out? It is actually comical at this point; I can always guess what the plan will be, because they are so readable (by readable I mean if you visualize the worst decision, you will be visualizing exactly what they will do). I also asked if they were going to give her parts of my territory, or categories. They said “No.”

She got the southern third of my territory, and auto. I was asked to compile a “protected” list.

I walked into the office on Rep #2’s second morning, she was so excited about a cold call she had made the day before. I, being the team player that I am, responded by saying, “Great! Who was it?” She proceeded to name one of my largest accounts; it is only 20 blocks north of her territory boundary. When I called her on it she stayed excited, and offered me the contact name, like I did not know it already.

The next morning we had a Sales Meeting. Rep #2 recounted another great cold call on an auto dealer in town. I thought, “OK, she gets it, auto is her category.” Then she said the name of the account, it was the one auto account I had included on my “protected” list.

Who knows how this will shake out. Wait, I know, visualize the worst decision. Management will not support me, Rep #2 will continue to poke around outside of her territory, and there will be a constant battle for ground. We will not work as a team. Stay tuned for updates.

It is just the Free Paper

I found the underlying root of our company’s problem. The employees do not care about the product they are producing.

An ad of mine did not make it into the dummy of the paper, meaning, someone dropped the ball and there was no space reserved for the ad. When you have no technology to get in your way, this is a simple fix. You trot over to Editorial and ask them in a super sweet voice, with eyelashes fluttering, to “Please, shorten one of your stories so my ad will fit.” The procedure to deal with this scenario is taught in every Journalism School across the nation: the Journalist throws a fit, and then gives in, shortening their story, because they remember ads are what pay their salary. They are also taught that stories are what are most important, because they are why people read the paper. It is a constant struggle within the mind of every Journalist, and why most of them have nervous breakdowns before they are 35.

As usual, our paper proves to be different. I trotted over to the Assistant Editor, planning to start the ancient dance of this constant struggle. She did not dance! She simply said, “OK, it is just the Free Paper.” It is not “just the Free Paper”, it is one of “Our Papers,” one of the products I am out busting my ass to sell so that Editorial has paper to run their stories on, and a paycheck at the end of the month! It is all of our livelihoods! Maybe this lack of care about the product on Editorials part is why this paper’s readership is declining!

How can you create a sellable product if your crew does not care about the quality of the work they do? You make them care, or you get rid of them before they kill your product. We gave her a raise.

Publisher’s gift collection

I have just calmed down enough to blog about this. A collection was taken up for the Publisher’s Christmas gift. I am fine with this; they do it every year for both Christmas and his birthday in October. What I am not fine with is a donation being a requirement. If I want to contribute to a large gift, it is great that I can. If I want to get him chocolate on my own, that should be fine. If I want to ignore his birthday, I should be allowed.

The birthday collection was slowed because the Powers That Be needed to wait until Editorial was paid. OMG! You are not only bullying these poor writers into contributing, but they are also so under paid that they cannot afford to toss in $10 until after pay day.

I surmised during these mandatory collections that a list was being kept. A list of who contributed, and how much. I think this is illegal, not positive, but pretty sure. My suspicions about a list were confirmed last October when I was approached and asked to contribute more, because the contributions were not covering the cost of the gift that was already purchased. I am not even going to address the fact that they bought a gift before they knew what the contributions were.

This pissed me off, therefore I did what any true non-confrontational employee would do; I neglected to contribute this Christmas. I was round-about-asked about it a good 15 times. I refused to budge. I give enough to this office! Just last month I paid for a birthday breakfast celebration for the entire office (with required attendance, I might add). I was not reimbursed for this.

Oh, and there is a kicker, it should have put me over this edge 11 months ago. The gift we all contributed to for the Publisher last Christmas was a poker table, that is still at the office, that the Specialty Projects Manger (better known as Kiss Ass) hosts a party for his buddies at each Thursday night, men only. I am so glad I learned to invest my hard earned dollars wisely!

2008 Totaled

This morning the Mentor and I turned in our final numbers for 2008. Between Advertising, Classifieds, Legals, and Special Publications, the company brought in over $5.7 million in 2008. $5.7 million!!! For a company of less then 40 employees!!! We are Rock Stars!

Instead of the expected “pat on the back,” we got the typical “that is not good enough” speech. We were told we still need an additional $70000 collected by the end of the year. Today is December 22nd, that is not really a possibility.

I have done the math; I have no idea where that $5.7 million could have gone, or what we could need an additional $70000 for. The Publisher has no expenses; Editorial barely makes peanuts, same with Special Publications and Production, our offices are in the most run-down parts of town, we have wicked good contracts with our printer, and our technology has only aspirations of being from this century and thus compatible with the rest of the world.

Half of the company was purchased a year and a half ago. That is where I came from. We were profitable then. Sense the purchase over $1 million has been cut in salary alone, and retail sales have increased by over 25%. Have I mentioned I have done the math?

Oh… I just figured it out! I had forgotten about a few things. The money is going to legal bills, payoffs, and spousal support. It seems like more thought would be going to covering your ass if these were the majority of your expenses. But, Publisher knows best, so I will keep it to myself.

Let me get this straight, you want to pay?

We are in the midst of “reader appreciation”. It is a blitz to increase our paid subscribers by offering a discounted rate. The Receptionist manages the subscriptions.

I was standing next to her desk last Friday when she got a phone call to renew a subscription under this limited time rate. When the Receptionist looked up the account she realized they had not paid since 2003, but they were still receiving a paper every week. Who manages subscriptions? So… whose fault is that “Miss I Manage All Subscriptions And Do Not Want Anyone Meddling In My Work”?

In true community newspaper style, the Receptionist copped an attitude. She was actually irritated at this subscriber because they wanted to PAY for their subscription! Not to beat a dead horse, but POT OF MONEY! With the economy in the shape that it is, should we not be trying to make money wherever we can, instead of giving everything away for free? I know this is a hard concept for many people, but we do live in a capitalist society, at least until January 21st.